And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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