OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
