I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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