I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
