She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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