If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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