Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
