i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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