I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
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