There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
