I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
