between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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