I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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