Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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