someone threw a dead crab at me
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Randomize
