I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
