And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
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