Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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