Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
