Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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