your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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