so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
