you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
