PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
