You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
