Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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