Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
