it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
