Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
