Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
