Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
