nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
