What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
