i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I have fence marks all over my body
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
