when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
