you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
