It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
