if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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