well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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