Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
