She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
