haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
