I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
