and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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