five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
