Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Randomize
