First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
