im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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