Cold hands, warm shart.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
