you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
