I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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