i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
